| Written by Jennifer Burger-Klooster, on 10-09-2007 12:35 |
Healthy Healing
Making Charlie Brown proud, we're sharing these "good grief" tips for taking positive from negative experiences by letting your mind, body and spirit properly heal after a tragedy.
We all experience life events that shatter our sense of reality and
force us to redefine our lives. Some of us are impacted by widespread
tragedies such as Hurricane Katrina or the September 11 terrorist
attacks, and nearly all will face heartbreak as the result of a broken
relationship or death of a loved one. Whenever tragedy of any magnitude
occurs, we must let go of our current, comfortable lives and learn to
face an uncertain future.
Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross defined the “Five Stages of Grief” as denial,
anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. While these phases are
common to most everyone, grief itself is unique to each of us. There
are no rules about the order in which you will encounter the stages or
the amount of time it will take to move through them. You may revisit
anger a few times, and depression may last five times as long as
bargaining. But in order to one day arrive at acceptance, you must
allow your psyche to go through the healing process without rushing.
As you experience all the normal stages of grief, you may wonder
whether your feelings are healthy or if you need to seek professional
help. Take stock of yourself. You know how you feel during life’s
typical ups and downs, as do your friends and family. If you, or those
who love you, notice behaviors that seem compulsive, are extreme from
your norm or interfere with your ability to function on a daily basis,
consult a doctor.
While coping with tragedy, finding ways to express yourself is
imperative. Release emotions by journaling, writing music or creating
art to gain a rational perspective on your grief. Furthermore, you will
discover that you’re not alone when you share your feelings with
others. Confide in friends and family, find a support group or talk to
a therapist. The Internet also offers a wealth of discussion boards and
support resources for virtually any type of tragic situation.
Furthermore, maintaining your physical health during the grieving
process is important to surviving a tragedy. You won’t want to, but
forcing yourself to eat well, sleep properly and exercise will help
make you strong when you feel very weak. Just 30 minutes of aerobic
exercise can release enough endorphins to trigger feelings of happiness
and confidence, and even that temporary burst of energy can be a
welcome reprieve from constant feelings of despair.
As you begin to move beyond the numbing pain of a recent tragedy, begin
to devote a small focus to positive things. While going through a
divorce and experiencing a series of unfortunate (and costly) events
with my car and house, I tried to gain perspective by reminding myself
that things could be worse. After all, I wasn’t facing a terrible
illness; I had a safe place to live and a family I loved dearly. I also
began volunteering my time with several local groups. By finding a
cause that needed me, I was able to turn my focus outwards beyond
myself. Many survivors of tragedy find that religious faith and
spiritual practice also help them to consider a larger purpose for
their suffering.
Finally, celebrate small victories as you continue to recover from
tragedy. Set goals, even if they seem as mundane as forcing yourself to
get out of bed and do the dishes. When you succeed, congratulate
yourself for being stronger than your pain. Splurge on a new pair of
shoes as a reward, and take your special confidant to a movie to thank
her for being a good listener. These little “hugs” for your soul will
help ease your suffering and allow you to focus on rebuilding a life in
your new reality.
Life is never the same after a tragedy, but the lessons you gain while
going through one are invaluable. You learn just how strong you really
are, and you realize just how deeply you are capable of feeling.
Writer and director Nora Ephron said, “Above all, be the heroine of
your life, not the victim.” You may discover that you are one of those
exceptional women who uses her tragedy to help others, and in return
find peace and meaning beyond any known before.
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