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Ask Nicci: Girlfriends vs. Boyfriend PDF Print E-mail
Written by Nicci Sprouse   
Monday, 06 June 2011 09:33

Ask Nicci: Girlfriends vs. Boyfriend
One reader is torn with a decision between her boyfriend and disapproving girlfriends. Read who's side our dating and relationship expert suggests. 


I've been in a relationship for over a year. In the beginning things were great and everyone got along, but lately my boyfriend is questioning my face time with my girlfriends and even asking that I not meet them for drinks on "girl's night." My friends are taking notice, bad mouthing my boyfriend to me and even going as far as to say that I should end things now before I am in over my head. I am torn. I love my boyfriend, controlling or not, and do not want to leave him. But, at the same time, I understand that my friends are only looking out for me. I do not want to lose my friends or my boyfriend, what should I do?

Signed,

Stuck in the middle

 

Dear Middle,

Being stuck in the middle is never a good place to be. Knowing that there are always two sides to any dilemma, the private investigator in me has some digging I want do before I give any advice. Objectivity to both parties will be a key component to helping you sort this out. As an outsider looking in, a few scenarios come to mind that I want you to consider.

 

Let's start with your girlfriends and assume they are right about your boyfriend. For a moment try and put yourself in your friends' shoes and understand their viewpoint. Can you relate to any of the following examples?

 

• Does he dominate everything? — What you eat, wear, and who you speak to?
• Does he isolate you from friends and family?
• Does he account for your time and whereabouts?
• Is he moody or extremely jealous?

 

If any of these sound familiar, there may be a deeper issue at hand, an issue that you cannot fix or resolve. It is hard to realize that being controlling is a trait that cannot be changed. If you are submissive and give in to his control and demands you are only appeasing him and creating a larger, more complex problem for yourself. In fact, you need to prepare yourself for things to get worse. Regrettably, there is no quick fix or easy resolution to this scenario if he is truly a controlling person. If you are ruling out the above scenarios, then you need to consider the alternative.

 

Let's switch gears and assume your boyfriend has a legitimate and justifiable reason for asking you not to go out with your girlfriends. Is it possible that your girlfriends are a bad influence on you? Are they all single and/or "partiers"? Clearly you are in an exclusive relationship and we can't fault him for the way he feels if this scenario is valid. However, I can suggest an alternative. A possible resolution is to find other ways to connect with your girlfriends, or start having your "girls nights" at someone's home, instead of out with other singles at restaurants/pubs. I am sure this would put your boyfriend's insecurities to rest.

 

If after thoroughly considering both sides you find that your girlfriends are right, I suggest taking their advice and dissolving the relationship. Be cautious in your exit strategy with your boyfriend, though. A confident personality is one thing, but a controlling type is another. Things will only get worse, not better. Understand that. Rest assured, your friends will support you and guide you through. On the other hand, if your boyfriend is justified in his request, then maybe it's time to spread your social-butterfly-wings and expand your network of girlfriends. We all can use more girlfriends!

Nicci Sprouse -

Nicci Sprouse is Cincy Chic's dating and relationship columnist and the owner of Ask Nicci, an upscale dating service in Cincinnati and Columbus. Send Sprouse any questions at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . For more information, visit AskNicci.com or e-mail.

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Last Updated on Monday, 06 June 2011 11:02
 

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