Regretful

Dear Regretful,

I am going to be honest with you. The situation could change but it will be very difficult. Having your heart broken takes a lot of emotion; a total renovation and healing of the heart is required to get this situation back on track. Take a hard look at yourself first before you get on this difficult path and judge whether you really want the situation back or if the sex is enough.

The energy required to heal from a broken heart is significant. Hesitation and doubt become compensating traits that move in so that you protect yourself from the hurt again. Based upon your question, I’ll assume that the emotional feelings having subsided from him and now the relationship is purely physical. If this is true, then from his perspective nothing has changed — you still aren’t spending time together yet you have the time to have sex. If your time together is only for the occasional tryst, then you should understand that he may not trust that you truly want to have a committed relationship again.

Let’s think this through and make a game plan. Having sex with him definitely gives you both what you need temporarily. However, if you want him to commit to the long-term relationship, you need to take back the control of the situation. A good start would be to stop going in for the “fix” and slow down at least for a month or even two while you consider courting again. Whatever it is, let him know in advance what your intentions are. Slowing down the physical relationship will at the very least clear your heads so that you can gauge whether it is the lack of time with him that truly makes you unhappy. Who knows, he may surprise you with a new found abundance of time that didn’t exist before.

Ultimately, when you slow down to get a better perspective you can decide whether you leave him, accept it, or go for the ultimatum! No matter what — stay calm and be confident. Self-discipline and a little game planning go a long way. And in the long run, if it is meant to be, it will be.