Banner

Ask Nicci: Can Things be Undone?

Ask Nicci: Can Things be Undone?
How do you take back something you’ve said or done? Is it possible to convince someone you were wrong? See what our relationship expert suggests.


I dated a guy for five years and ended the relationship because he didn’t have enough time to spend with me. I broke his heart. Being apart from him has been unbearable. Now we see each other for occasional sex and I have realized that I want back what we used to have. I confronted him on this and he won’t go back because he feels he hasn’t changed. Is there a chance that I can convince him that I was wrong? I have told him this but he is protecting himself by not giving me more.

Signed,

Regretful

 

Dear Regretful,

I am going to be honest with you. The situation could change but it will be very difficult. Having your heart broken takes a lot of emotion; a total renovation and healing of the heart is required to get this situation back on track. Take a hard look at yourself first before you get on this difficult path and judge whether you really want the situation back or if the sex is enough.

 

The energy required to heal from a broken heart is significant. Hesitation and doubt become compensating traits that move in so that you protect yourself from the hurt again. Based upon your question, I’ll assume that the emotional feelings having subsided from him and now the relationship is purely physical. If this is true, then from his perspective nothing has changed — you still aren’t spending time together yet you have the time to have sex. If your time together is only for the occasional tryst, then you should understand that he may not trust that you truly want to have a committed relationship again.

 

Let’s think this through and make a game plan. Having sex with him definitely gives you both what you need temporarily. However, if you want him to commit to the long-term relationship, you need to take back the control of the situation. A good start would be to stop going in for the “fix” and slow down at least for a month or even two while you consider courting again. Whatever it is, let him know in advance what your intentions are. Slowing down the physical relationship will at the very least clear your heads so that you can gauge whether it is the lack of time with him that truly makes you unhappy. Who knows, he may surprise you with a new found abundance of time that didn’t exist before.

 

Ultimately, when you slow down to get a better perspective you can decide whether you leave him, accept it, or go for the ultimatum! No matter what — stay calm and be confident. Self-discipline and a little game planning go a long way. And in the long run, if it is meant to be, it will be.

Nicci Sprouse -

Nicci Sprouse is Cincy Chic's dating and relationship columnist and the owner of Ask Nicci, an upscale dating service in Cincinnati and Columbus. Send Sprouse any questions at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . For more information, visit AskNicci.com or e-mail.

Read More >>


More articles by this author

Ask Nicci: Are "Nice Guys" an Urban Myth?
Ask Nicci: Are "Nice Guys" an Urban Myth?        One reader...
Read More >>
Ask Nicci: Popping the Question
Ask Nicci: Popping the Question One reader faces the dilemma of...
Read More >>
 

subscribegraphic

eventsgraphic


Banner
Banner
Banner
Banner
Banner
Banner
Banner