Banner

Ask Nicci: Why the Attraction to “Bad Boys”?

Ask Nicci: Why the Attraction to “Bad Boys”?  
Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with a "bad boy" or are they just a rite of passage for us to appreciate the good guys? See what our dating and relationship expert has to say.


I have a thing for men in suits; orange jumpsuits, that is. I am seriously addicted to dating bad boys — nice guys bore me. Ever since high school I have been into the wild ones. What can I do to stop this obsession?

Signed,

Repeat Offender

 

Dear Offender,I think it’s safe to say most of us have “been there, done that,” whether we want to admit it or not. We know we shouldn’t, but we can’t resist. As exciting and unpredictable as it is to date a bad boy, there is a reason you are a repeat offender. Let’s explore…

 

To better understand “bad boys,” let’s begin by defining them. Bad boys are only focused on their own selfish needs; they are childish narcissists that will not change their ways and are generally guilty of treating women poorly.. Do any of the following scenarios sound familiar?

• You pay for everything because they never have money.
• They are rude and disrespectful, yet somehow you justify this as acceptable.
• Introducing them to your parents is out of the question.
• They occasionally no-show for a date — followed by no phone call or apology.
• They always have an excuse for everything.
• Frequently flirt with other women right in front of you.
• They epitomize instability (financial and emotional).

 

So, what is the attraction for you? It’s certainly not that they are more physically attractive, smarter or more successful than nice guys. In fact, they commonly have fewer desirable qualities, but are still harder to resist. Bad boys can be a lot of fun, but what most of us realize early on when dating a bad boy is that they’re usually not the best pick for a functional long-term relationship.

 

If you find yourself repeatedly going back for more, you may want to ask yourself “what’s in it for you?” If you’re addicted to the emotional roller coaster, it’s time to detox and learn to get your thrills elsewhere. Maybe you are drawn to their dramas or the fact that they’re an easy out for avoiding a committed relationship.

 

Whatever your reason for repeatedly being drawn to bad boys, awareness of the situation is key. It’s like an epiphany. Most women can relate — one day we wake up and decide this is the day; we’ve had enough, it’s time to find a “nice guy” — someone who will truly appreciate us. Only you can determine when and if that epiphany will happen; when you’ve finally had enough.

 

A final bit of advice: look for your “bad boy” qualities in a nice guy. Maybe it is the bad boys’ confidence, independence and rebellious, adventurous spirit that get you going — you might be surprised but nice guys have that, too. Maybe the key to contentment for you is to find a nice mixture and look for your bad boy in your stable and committed nice guy. I suppose bad boys are a rite of passage every girl must go through in order to better appreciate her true love. Be aware and pass these “original” bad boys up — your bad boy in a business suit may be in the office next to you.

Nicci Sprouse -

Nicci Sprouse is Cincy Chic's dating and relationship columnist and the owner of Ask Nicci, an upscale dating service in Cincinnati and Columbus. Send Sprouse any questions at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . For more information, visit AskNicci.com or e-mail.

Read More >>


More articles by this author

Ask Nicci: Are "Nice Guys" an Urban Myth?
Ask Nicci: Are "Nice Guys" an Urban Myth?        One reader...
Read More >>
Ask Nicci: Popping the Question
Ask Nicci: Popping the Question One reader faces the dilemma of...
Read More >>
 

subscribegraphic

eventsgraphic


Banner
Banner
Banner
Banner
Banner
Banner
Banner
Banner