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Ask Nicci: When Feelings Go beyond Friendship

Ask Nicci: When Feelings Go beyond Friendship
One reader feels more than just friendship for one of her guy friends. Our dating and relationship columnist weighs in on whether she should take the leap or keep quiet and always wonder "what if."


My best friend is a guy, and I am confused by my feelings towards him. I think I am attracted to him and I believe he feels the same. Do I risk ruining our friendship and cross the line to see if there is more? Or do I play it safe, keep our friendship as is, and always wonder what could have been?

Signed,

Confused


Dear Confused,

First, let's discuss the situation, dissect it, if you will. Then, we need to fully understand the implications of acting on those feelings, before you do anything.

 

Let's say you choose to continue with your friendship, pushing down the feelings you are having and pretending everything is normal. Ask yourself: Could you truly be content pretending you aren't interested in him? Can you make your mind stop wondering what could have been? Will every song on the radio constantly remind you of him?

 

If none of these questions struck a chord, then odds are you aren't having serious feelings for him. However, if all of my questions are resonating with you and you're sitting there wondering how on earth I knew about the annoying songs on the radio and your mind constantly racing thinking about him, then you definitely may have serious feelings.

 

I feel for you! I've been in your shoes. Many women have. You're not alone, and we totally get it. Having a guy for a good friend can be rough, especially when you fear that your feelings are stronger, but my point is that you need to discover if your feelings are authentic before you take action. I suggest we play the "What If" game.

 

Let's say you do have authentic feelings and decide to talk to him about it. Consider the consequences before taking any action. You might want to take the bull by the horns and kiss him to see if there is chemistry. You might want to tell him what you're feeling. Before you jump in feet first, think about what would happen next. Is it possible for the two of you to have a great relationship?

 

In the end, my friend, only you can answer these questions and determine the risk/reward, meaning, if you take the risk of discussing your feelings, will the reward be what you really wanted? Will the outcome be worth it?

 

If you decide to cross that line and find that he isn't interested, assure him that it doesn't change anything and that you will be his friend no matter what — awkward, or not. Guys get scared and tend to run if things feel uncomfortable or they feel pressured. Assure him nothing has changed and put him at ease by making light of it. Crack a joke if you have to!

 

Then try to find comfort in the fact that you aren't alone and won't be the last woman that will be confused by her feelings toward her guy friend. On the flip side, if your instinct is right, get ready to start living out the fantasies you've been thinking about. Good luck!

Nicci Sprouse -

Nicci Sprouse is Cincy Chic's dating and relationship columnist and the owner of Ask Nicci, an upscale dating service in Cincinnati and Columbus. Send Sprouse any questions at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . For more information, visit AskNicci.com or e-mail.

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