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Ask Patty: People-Pleaser or Door Mat? PDF Print E-mail
Written by Patty Brisben   
Wednesday, 25 August 2010 04:52

Ask Patty: People-Pleaser or Door Mat?
What is the line between being a giver and a complete pushover? Are you tired of being walked all over in your relationship? Our intimacy expert tells you how to stop the cycle.


"In relationships, both platonic and romantic, I often feel as though I compromise too much of myself. I can't help that I am a people-pleaser by nature! I would love to find a happy medium so that I can find peace of mind and feel good about my giving nature without sacrificing my own wants and needs. How do I go about finding this level ground?"
— Janette, (Springdale, Ohio)

 

 

Patty: Being a people-pleaser isn't a crime, but you have to remember to also please another important person in your life, and that is yourself! Unfortunately, it's easy for more selfish people to prey upon those who are giving, and you may not realize you've been taken advantage of until the relationship has ended and you're able to look back at the big picture.

 

Always giving in and never considering your needs is one way to cheat yourself out of what you deserve in life. Take a look at your relationships and honestly evaluate why you are getting the short end of the stick. It might be that you aren't even asking or don't know what you want, so you just take whatever is offered. If you're just going through the motions and haven't taken the time to determine what you want, then you can't exactly blame the other person for not giving it to you. Also, if you keep thinking it will get better tomorrow without communicating your needs, then you risk the chance of ending up alone and unhappy.

 

You can decide today to make a change in your life by understanding that it's possible to be generous and still protect your own interests. Start by buckling down and "getting real" with yourself so as to find out what you've been cheating yourself out of so that you can start fixing this problem.

 

You also have to be strong enough to accept that some relationships will end because you're not willing to be the giver anymore. Some won't be able to handle this transformation, but this could ultimately be the best thing that could happen for you. If someone really loves you, they will want to stick around and work through anything with you and be happy that you're coming into your own.

Patty Brisben -

Patty Brisben is the CEO and Founder of Pure Romance. She is Cincy Chic's relationship columnist, and you can send her an e-mail at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .


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Last Updated on Wednesday, 25 August 2010 11:50
 

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