Ask Patty: Mismatched Affections

Ask Patty: Mismatched Affections
Today's women are more assertive and independent, taking on more traditionally "male" roles than in years past. Our relationship columnist explores this gender role reversal.

"I finally found someone that I am very interested in, but I feel like he is the 'woman' in the relationship! He is very emotional and seeks constant reassurance of my affection.

I want things to work out between us, but I shouldn't have to constantly remind him how I feel. What can I say to make this clear to him without hurting his feelings?"
— Janette, (Price Hill, OH)

Patty: Sometimes neediness in a relationship can be very draining. Everyone's needs (whether they be emotional, mental or physical) are different, which is why it's so important to find someone who is a good match with you.

However, just because a man may possess qualities that are perceived as feminine that shouldn't automatically be perceived as a negative. It's when predominant characteristics of theirs don't match up with your personality that it becomes a problem. Pegging yourself or your partner as "the man" or "woman" in a relationship is an unfair stereotype. For example, there are many men out there who stay home and watch the children while their wife works. If this is an arrangement that both partners are comfortable that's all that matters.

The other issue could be that he is insecure (hence, the constant need for reassurance). Unfortunately, if this is the case, you can't change a person to become more secure and it shouldn't be your responsibility to make your partner confident.

Try communicating openly and honestly (and given his sensitive nature, choose your words wisely). Always end on a positive note, so let him know that you really like him and want things to work, but you both need other interests and independence for this relationship to succeed. End by pointing out all of the things you love about him and your relationship. If he doesn't make more of an effort to believe in himself and your relationship, this could be the wrong match for you.

Patty Brisben -
	Patty Brisben is the CEO and Founder of Pure Romance. She is Cincy Chic's relationship columnist, and you can send her an e-mail at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

More articles by this author

Ask Patty: Intimacy after Cancer

Ask Patty: Intimacy after Cancer When it comes to cancer, intimacy...