| Ask Patty: Dealing with a Stalker |
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| Written by Patty Brisben | ||||||||||
| Saturday, 05 June 2010 07:51 | ||||||||||
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Ask Patty: Dealing with a Stalker Breaking up is never easy, especially when one partner doesn't want to let go. When having trouble moving on turns into downright stalking, use these tips from our relationship columnist. "I broke up with my boyfriend two weeks ago, and everywhere I go he shows up. He swears it's just a coincidence, but I suspect otherwise, especially because he didn't want the relationship to end. It's really starting to freak me out. I most recently saw him at the grocery store by my house, yet he lives on the other side of town and has no reason to be there. Is he stalking me? I even think I saw his car parked in front of my house a couple weeks ago!! How do I tell him to stay away!?" — Brandy (Clifton, Ohio)
Patty:
Anyone that's ever been in a relationship knows that breaking up is hard to do! It can further complicate things when both partners are not on the same page regarding the desire to end the relationship.
The first thing you need to do is evaluate if these run-ins have, in fact, been a coincidence. It's very common for long-term couples to frequent many of the same places they did when they were together, so perhaps discuss with a mutual close friend and get a second opinion. As with anything that comes to safety, you also should trust your gut instincts, so be careful not to ignore any red flags that may be alerting you along the way.
If you had a healthy relationship to begin with, it may be in your best interest to approach your ex in an honest and non-confrontational way so that you may share your opinions on what will be the most comfortable way to go forward with the break-up for those first few months after you are apart. Some couples set guidelines and boundaries where they actually let their partner know they need space and no contact in order to move on in a healthy way, while others prefer to keep in touch here and there as they both heal from the experience.
If, however, your relationship was not a healthy one or you feel that he is a threat or danger to you, then you should probably cut off all communication and document his past and future behavior (phone calls, e-mails, run-ins, etc.). Should this continue, you will be able to take this documentation to your local police department and find out what your rights are and how you can stay safe.
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