Ask Patty: Green with Envy

Ask Patty: Green with Envy
Jealousy can destroy a relationship, especially if it's not nipped in the bud. Learn how to pinpoint a jealous partner or if your issues are the root of the problem.

"Last weekend my husband and I went out with another couple to celebrate our anniversary. You would think during a time of celebration things would be

wonderful, but when we returned home after a fun evening, my husband starting accusing me of flirting with the husband of the couple that had joined us. We have been married for four years, and I feel like he gets more and more protective and jealous the longer we are together. How can I make this stop?"

— Liz (Covington, Ky.)

Patty:

Often times there are signs from the very beginning that a partner has jealous or controlling tendencies. We typically either choose not to pay attention to those red flags or, in the height of the passion and emotion of new love, we miss them completely. With that being said, it's possible that your husband has always been this way, yet, something is causing these tendencies to get worse or stronger.

The first thing I would suggest is evaluating your behavior to ensure that you are, in fact, not being overly flirtatious or disregarding his feelings. If you can say with confidence that this is not the case, then you could start by sitting down with him and having a heart-to-heart. I would recommend doing this when you are getting along, not after another fight of this nature. Ask him why he is feeling this way and what he believes could be bringing these emotions on. Are they new insecurities? Or is there something going on with a close friend or family member that is triggering a similar fear? Communication is always one of the most important first steps to healing any problem.

I had a friend who dealt with a similar issue, and in her case, her boyfriend had been married previously to a woman who not only cheated on him with his best friend but went on to marry the best friend and have children with him. Needless to say, her boyfriend's unresolved feelings about his past introduced a great deal of baggage in their budding relationship. If this is a case of him dealing with insecurities from his past, it is crucial that he resolve them before you can go forward. He also needs to understand that you are a new partner with a new slate.

If communication is not working, I would strongly advise considering marriage counseling so that this doesn't end up tearing both of you apart.

Patty Brisben -
	Patty Brisben is the CEO and Founder of Pure Romance. She is Cincy Chic's relationship columnist, and you can send her an e-mail at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

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