Ask Patty: Keeping the Spark through Pregnancy

Ask Patty: Keeping the Spark through Pregnancy
Who said starting a family has to interfere with having the intimate life you deserve? Our sexpert sheds a little light on how to keep your bedroom flame burning.

"My husband and I are expecting our first child and know that we have so many life changes in store for us. One area I'm a little apprehensive about is our intimate life. What can we do to make sure that we keep the spark alive in the bedroom?"
— Karen (Harrison, OH)





Pregnancy is supposed to be a joyous time for couples, but this momentous occasion is not always a smooth road. Pregnancy can cause strain in one's relationship, and often times, many physical transformations and emotions that come with pregnancy can result in a woman feeling undesirable or unattractive. Hormonal imbalance, morning/ afternoon/ evening sickness, aching back and swollen feet are just a few examples of common body changes that a woman will go through during her pregnancy. To prevent unwarranted conflict or sex slumps during pregnancy, try these tips for expecting couples:


Tip 1: Stay Connected during Pregnancy


Women go through a wide range of hormonal changes during pregnancy, and for some lucky couples, this actually can cause their sex lives to become even hotter. However, this isn't always the case with everyone. Many find that the fluctuation in hormones actually creates a negative effect on their intimate life. That's why it's so important that, even before these changes begin to take place, you and your partner commit to communicating openly throughout the pregnancy. The key is to be honest with one another from the very start. Couples often expect one another to be clairvoyant. The truth is we're not mind-readers, and during times of transition like these, it's even more vital that you open up about everything you are feeling.


Tip 2: Don't Fear Sex



There are many different issues that can arise during pregnancy, and every woman's circumstances are different. With that being said, you should always check with your health care provider to find out what is safe for you. Once you receive the "green light," it's important to trust your doctor and not let fears or myths stop you from having a healthy and enjoyable sex life throughout your pregnancy!


Tip 3: Explore Other Intimate Activities


If you're not feeling well, let your partner know and be open to exploring other forms of intimacy to maintain that connection. There are so many ways to be intimate with your partner outside of just making love. Read a book together, cuddle during a romantic movie, or let him massage and rub your feet — especially when they tend to be swollen from the pregnancy.


Tip 4: Get in the Mood


Morning sickness or nausea is often a phase of your first trimester, which will eventually pass. If you are not feeling well, it's important that your partner is understanding and patient with you. However, if you are feeling well, it's imperative to make time for intimacy even if often times you may just not "be in the mood."


With the exception of a health reason specified by your health care provider, you should make an effort to be intimate, and be careful not to rely on the pregnancy as an excuse to put off spending romantic time with your partner. Sometimes women find that they may not be in the mood initially, but if they make time and go with the flow, they find they are really enjoying themselves in the process.


Tip 5: Be Expressive


A pregnancy is a major life change not just for women, but also for men. There are many reasons why men can become distant or lack desire to have sex. Some include fear that they will hurt the baby in some way, or even deeper psychological issues such as (as with a first child) the fear they won't be a good father or won't be able to handle their new responsibilities. Needless to say, these types of stresses don't bode well for the kind of relaxed environment that is conducive to an enjoyable intimate experience. Communicate to find out what may be troubling him. A little reassurance can go a long way!


Tip 6: Open the Doors of Communication


Again, it's so important to communicate and set boundaries from the very beginning of what you expect. From the second you realize you are pregnant, you should be talking with one another and emphasizing how important it is to maintain intimacy throughout the first, second and third trimesters — all the way until the baby is born and beyond!


Tip 7: Nurture your Relationship


Make sure that you are not just talking about the baby all of the time. You and your partner have a relationship that is separate from the relationship you will have with your child, and you need to make sure that you nurture that as well!

Patty Brisben -

Patty Brisben is the CEO and Founder of Pure Romance. She is Cincy Chic's relationship columnist, and you can send her an e-mail at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

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