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Ask Patty: Becoming the Object of His Affection

Ask Patty: Becoming the Object of His Affection
What should you do if that special someone isn't making you feel so special? Our relationship expert helps you get out of the dog house and into his arms.


"My husband is more affectionate with our dog than with me, and it really bugs me. I told him this and he said affection should just come naturally and I shouldn't ask for it. So, I haven't asked for it any more. But he still gives more affection to the dog. And it still bugs me."
— Jessica (Mason, OH)


Patty: I'm sure you've heard the saying that a "dog is a man's best friend." However, as a wife, you're also your partner's best friend. When two people make the decision to get married, they vow to show faithfulness, unconditional love and affection. While it's nice that your husband shows that he's dedicated to his dog, it's just as important that he show the same dedication and attention to you. (On a positive note, his relationship with his dog shows that he is a loving, committed person that takes his responsibilities seriously!)


In any relationship, it's often easy to look at what's wrong with our partner and not take a look at ourselves. With that being said, first look honestly at yourself to ensure that you are not overreacting or behaving irrationally out of jealousy. Often when people think of jealousy in relationships they automatically assume that it has to do with an outside man or woman. However, jealousy is a human response which can be aroused in response to outside friends, pets, family — you name it!


How do you determine if you are not overreacting? One way to do this is to ask yourself if you've become consumed with the relationship he has with the dog. Do you count the number of times he pets the dog or obsess about it frequently? Share examples with an objective friend to get an outside opinion on whether this is justified or unjustified jealousy.


The deeper issue here is your desire for more affection from him in order to be happier in your relationship. Try opening up the doors of communication with your husband again. Perhaps move away from discussing his rapport with the dog and moving more toward what you want from your personal relationship with him.

Relationships with people are much more complicated than those with pets, and you may benefit from leaving out the comparison altogether.


You also can meet him halfway by spending time with him and the dog. Try walking the dog or taking it out to a dog park together. This will eliminate any resentment he may feel toward this "triangle" and will make it easier for him to compromise with you. Most importantly, be careful not to blame outside factors like his pet for the needs you feel aren't being met within the parameters of your relationship.


Also, keep in mind that sometimes the best way to get what you want in a relationship is to give it. So start surprising him with unexpected affectionate behaviors and you might be amazed at how quickly it may rub off on him!

Patty Brisben -

Patty Brisben is the CEO and Founder of Pure Romance. She is Cincy Chic's relationship columnist, and you can send her an e-mail at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .


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